In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think a kid would responsible me up
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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