I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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