Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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