Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
