I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize