Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
