She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
