just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
