Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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