Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
