I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
