And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
