the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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