babies were throwing up all over the place
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
