batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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