..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
