i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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