If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
