life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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