he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
