So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
