Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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