I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
