I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
