I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm passing your future prison.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
