i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
