Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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