dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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