Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
