and i looked up. we had an audience...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
