My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We left the knife in your bed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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