Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
