I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
