Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
