Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
