remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize