12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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