i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
