I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
