The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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