I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
