how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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