is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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