At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
