spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
even my farts smell like vagina
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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