I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Are we still banned from the library?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
