Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
