I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
