You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They took my balls.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
