She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
