Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
