are you still at the devil's house?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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