I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize