accomplished twins. life is a go
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
