At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
