I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
