would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
