I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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