The maid of honor just puked.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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