no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
