i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
