It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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