Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
