I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
