I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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