So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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